My Best Federal Offense

illustration by author

I loved rollerblading when I was a kid. You should have seen how well I could skate facing forward. That’s what I chose to learn first, and after mastering that trick almost too quickly, I thought, “What’s next?” so I picked up skating in reverse. I could even skate fancy, not creepy fancy, but just enough to be the best in town.

Then I started jumping over little obstacles: sticks, dead snakes, my prone sister. I…