HUMOR

At Five Years Old, I Tried To Die

Though I didn’t know that’s what I was doing

illustration by author

Why did I seek the woodpile that day?

I went to the woodpile because I wished to climb the pallet holding back thousands of pounds of stacked firewood. I wished to rock my little body backwards, pulling on the pallet, jolting it again and again.

--

--

--

A poverty-stricken, soft Batman by night. Illustrator and writing teacher by day. Previously: McSweeney’s, Slackjaw.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

So, The Apprentice, Week 4.

Cleaning Your Memory FoamMattress https://t.co/Wrg0hVieFy

70 days to Mt. Olympus — Day #5

5 fun things one could do with stolen stupol banners!

How To Get, Like, Seriously Motivated In 2020

7 Terrifying Things that Happen When Adults See a School Lunch Tray

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Daniel Williams

Daniel Williams

A poverty-stricken, soft Batman by night. Illustrator and writing teacher by day. Previously: McSweeney’s, Slackjaw.

More from Medium

Spread Your Lips And Bare Your Teeth, It’s Family Photo Time

Barbara Shermund, Observer of Us

That’s So Interesting Wait What Did You Say I Wasn’t Listening

Motivational Quotes Rewritten by Russian Novelists