HUMOR
When friends say goodbye mouth-to-mouth
I was 25. She was 47.
I was shaped like a man. A man receptacle keeping his shape by the mass of childishness he used for stuffing. She was tolerant.
We met in Maine at a writing program. Freeport, Maine, so close to the ocean, you could smell it always…
HUMOR
Actually, I didn’t sign up at all. They made me.
What I enjoy most about 101 is teaching things that aren’t on the syllabus:
How to keep your brain healthy, stay young forever, feed the wildest hunger of your soul, practice the subtle art of flossing, etc.
The official 101 curriculum is a new sidewalk: smooth and non-trippy. My job…
HUMOR
An open mic!
A man in my family died young. But he wasn’t just a man. He was a demigod, lord of the woods, of the hunt. Lord of waters. Doom of fish.
With pistols, rifles, black powder guns, bows and crossbows, 5,000-dollar fishing poles, and once with a bowie knife lashed to…
HUMOR
Which side of the bars are you on?
My dorm room in grad school was like me, a single.
A very single.
It did feel full though. …
HUMOR
I vomit my acidic self onto the world
Like most middle children, I operate best when fueled by the affection of the entire planet.
And I’m not just talking about the living.
I can’t stand the suspicion that the dead wouldn’t be into me. You’re right, that’s unlikely, but I’ll never know. I stand before judgy cemetery silences…
THIS IS US
Florida fell and I did nothing to stop it
I asked my English 101 class the other day, “If a billionaire supported you for the rest of your life, what career would you choose? Also, if you don’t choose a career, this support disappears.”
ME: In other words, if money wasn’t in the way, what would you do?
STUDENTS…
HUMOR
Listen. I enjoy chipmunks, squirrels, rabbits, and birds, just like you do. I’m at the age where these guys really blow my hair back. But you know what I do when I see them? I smile and say, “Hello, critters.”
I say it. I rarely scream it for seventy minutes…
HUMOR
The tale of a wicked deed
The love of my life in elementary school was Maggy Marston. I watched the lanes and roads for her mom’s red Dodge Caravan, and when I saw it, whether or not it carried Maggy, it moved me. To this day, Caravans of the late 80s stop me in my tracks.
…
HUMOR
The long lost days of friends
The excitement of lighting a bomb is the excitement of lighting a birthday cake when you know for a fact that your most reckless wish is going to come true, in seven to ten seconds.
As a child, I knew this excitement well.
I lived for it.
That day, the…
HUMOR
I settled the robin cozily in my sights
I’d made up my mind. It was a time to kill.
All the other kids killed things with their BB guns — birds, squirrels, chipmunks, rats, the eyes of friends — but what about me? Did I even have what it takes to kill?
ME: Dear God, please let me…
Daniel Williams
A poverty-stricken, soft Batman by night. Illustrator and writing teacher by day. Previously: McSweeney’s, Slackjaw. Drawings: arkories.tumblr.com
